Mixtapes for Hookers

The Yoko Test

[In honor of Yoko Ono’s 80th birthday, here’s an excerpt from a previously unpublished story about the dumbest boyfriend I ever had, right after college.]

My gums bleed a lot. Mostly it’s because I don’t take very good care of my teeth, but mentally I blame it on bad genes. It makes me self-conscious, particularly on those rare occasions when I’m brushing my teeth with someone else in the room. It’s a terrible sight, foamy and bloody and red and blue and white, like a mangled American flag that’s also foamy and bloody and made out of toothpaste.

If there is one thing that terrifies me, as a single gay man who likes to put various parts of other single gay men in his mouth, it is the transmission of disease through my bloody gums. Additionally, they are unattractive.

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Tomorrow I’m Reading In Providence
December 8, 2012, 12:50 pm
Filed under: people from rhode island, personal | Tags: , , ,


My general life philosophy is that I don’t pay covers, especially in Providence, unless there are either 1. performers; 2. strippers; or 3. it’s someone’s birthday party and I have no control over where the party train is going. This event has at least two of the three, though, so I’m not asking you to go to anything I wouldn’t consider going to myself.

Listening Habits: On Being An Uninformed Music Blogger, Basically
December 2, 2012, 8:01 am
Filed under: music, personal, Uncategorized | Tags: , , ,

Yesterday marked the one-year anniversary of moving into my boyfriend’s place, and the effect it’s had on my musical listening habits has been as intense as its effect on most other aspects of my life. (It’s different! Good, but different.)

For one thing, noisy music has all but disappeared from my life, barring the nights I left him at home to go see metal bands. (It happened a fair amount.) Instead we listen to a lot of records together: his Shirley Bassey and Stevie Wonder and Dionne Warwick albums, and my cobbled-together Emmylou Harris, Petula Clark and Blondie albums. (I got Autoamerican this year for the first time, and it’s a lot better than anybody gives it credit for.)

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Life Update
May 16, 2012, 4:17 pm
Filed under: personal | Tags: , , , ,

I’m 31 now. Actually my birthday was on Saturday, but things have been slightly out of hand lately so I’m only posting about it now. It was a really good birthday, brunch at my favorite brunch place followed by an afternoon in the park and an evening at a Korean restaurant in suburbia, surrounded by friends and the bright lights of a karaoke room. (I sang “(I Never Promised You A) Rose Garden” and “Objection (Tango)” and “1 Thing” and “Come Out And Play (Keep ‘Em Separated)” and duetted on “Self Control” and “Black Velvet” and probably sang other songs, too, although right now I’m blanking on what they were.)

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Headmaster no. 3 Out Now
February 26, 2012, 11:13 am
Filed under: magazines, people from rhode island, personal | Tags: ,

Headmaster no. 3 is out now! Featuring projects by Peter Cochrane, Alan Cumming, Chris Ironside, Matthew Lawrence [that’s me!], Ivan Lozano, Gabriel Martinez, Walker Mettling, Matias Uris, Jim Verburg, and Michael Wynne. Pre-orders and subscriptions went out this week, and we’ve started shipping to all of our stores as well. We’re throwing a party in Providence on March 10th; if you’re in the area we’re expecting it to be AWESOME.

Also, now that this issue is out expect me to be blogging a little bit more. Over on the dirty Tumblr I’m roughly 3/4 of the way through counting down the 100 Hottest Men That Ever Lived, and there’s some exciting guest posts coming up in the next couple of days before I announce number one on Wednesday.

Queer Blogger Panel at Brown on Friday
February 15, 2012, 6:51 pm
Filed under: people from rhode island, personal | Tags: , , , ,

A last-minute-ish heads up: I’ve just been added to the panel Blogging Queer Culture at Brown this Friday, which also features Krista Burton of Effing Dykes and Sarah Dopp of Genderfork.  Both of them are infinitely more popular than I am so this is sort of an honor.

It’s part of IvyQ, a conference now in its third year which aims to “create a pan-Ivy community of LGBTQ students and allies equipped with the skills to examine their identities, value those of others, and understand intersectionality.” There are events going on all weekend, including a keynote address by Kate Bornstein, so if you’re in the area you may want to check it out. It’s geared towards students, obviously, but I’m fairly certain that anyone who wants to can attend.

Pulp Tickets Sold Out In Less Than A Minute
January 27, 2012, 10:55 am
Filed under: music, personal | Tags: ,

Earlier this week Pulp announced a show at Radio City Music Hall, and tickets went on sale at 10am, and when I checked at 9:59 tickets hadn’t gone on sale yet and when I tried to but two tickets at 10am they were sold out already and when I tried to get one ticket at 10:01am that was also sold out and then when I tried again at about 10:04 I got stuck in this endless loop of Ticketmaster wait time.


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