Mixtapes for Hookers


I Fucking Hate This Fucking (Otherwise Known As Forgettable) Song.
March 4, 2011, 1:42 pm
Filed under: music, not hot | Tags: , ,

Seriously, fuck this song.

A friend of mine once described Sheryl Crow’s “Soak Up The Sun” as “the kind of song that was made for medical receptionists whose main dream in life is to be able to wear flip-flops to work every day.”  And, nothing against medical receptionists (or flip-flops!) but she is right.  “Soak Up The Sun” is a terrrrrrrrrible song.

Another song that was custom made for the gyno’s waiting room is “The Song Otherwise Known As Forget You” by Cee-Lo Green, the Record Of The Year-nominated piece of shticky retro-garbage that took the internet by storm last summer and which is currently #2 on the Billboard Hot 100, right behind Lady Gaga’s insipid “Born This Way.”  The fucking Cee-Lo song also in the top ten (and gaining!) on the Pop Songs, Radio Songs, and Digital Songs charts, as well as the Yahoo Video Chart.  I don’t know what that last one even is, but it just furthers the point that this song is everywhere.  And like so many songs that are everywhere, it is a fucking terrible atrocity.
I guess I should mention that I’ve never really gotten Cee-Lo’s appeal.  The whole Gnarls Barkley thing was waaaaaaaaaay overrated.  I thought “Crazy” was grating, though I was very alone in that, and I really did not see the big whoop about the Violent Femmes cover, either.

The joke of this song, the one the Grammy announcers genuinely referred to as “The Song Otherwise Known As Forget You,” is that in the radio edit of the song Cee-Lo says “forget you” a bunch of times, but really everyone knows he’s actually saying “fuck you.”  (I guess this is a thing now, because it also happens in Enrique Iglesias’ mildly date-rapey “Tonight (I’m Fuckin’ You),” a song which I don’t actually dislike, for some reason.)  Apparently people who are not fifth-graders still think the word fuck is automatically amusing!

Gwyneth Paltrow sang “Forget You” on Glee, the horrid television program, and then she put on some overly high heels to stand on Cee-Lo’s piano and sing it at the Grammys.  Cee-Lo wore a giant George Clinton-y bird outfit, and there were Muppet things, too, because why not pull out all the bells and whistles to disguise the fact that even Amy Winehouse at her crackiest wouldn’t go near something this blatantly artificial.

Okay, maybe I should step back a little.  I am not totally opposed to fake soul:  those two Winehouse records are both really good, and the same whoo-ooh-oohs from “FU” were actually pretty good when Solange Knowles used them in her similar-sounding but much, much better “Sandcastle Disco.”  (The key differences between the songs are that Solange can actually sing, and that the lyrics of “Sandcastle Disco” weren’t written for suburban white divorcees getting ready for a root beer vodka-infused night on the town.)

And maybe the lyrics, about not how gold diggers are bad and how it’s okay to be poor, resonate with 98% of America.  But come on, no one should have to settle for this.  And it won a Grammy!  I am genuinely upset that this won a Grammy!  I mean, okay, a live version of “Hey Soul Sister” also won a Grammy, but this stupid-ass song won the award for Best Urban/Alternative Performance, when Janelle Monae’s infinitely superior “Tightrope” was also nominated.  That is just not fair.

The good thing about the song’s slow ascent on the Billboard chart is that there probably won’t be much of a follow-up.  UK single “It’s OK” only got up to #20 over there, and hopefully third single “Bright Lights Bigger City” will fizzle without making it onto US airwaves.


1 Comment so far
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I’m not sure if I hate this song, but I certainly know that I don’t give a crap about it. When all of the fools started spouting off about the greatness of this song, I realized it must be total garbage. I hate the hype. I hate the fact that I still have to read about this track. The song. . . I don’t hate it. . . I don’t like it. . . it’s just . . . ugh. . . forgettable. Fuck Fuck Fuck.

Comment by J




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