Mixtapes for Hookers

A Halloween Story
October 29, 2010, 12:01 pm
Filed under: personal | Tags: ,

This was me five Halloweens ago.  I was a Pleasure Victim (inspired by the Berlin album).  This is the only photo of the costume that I’ve got on hand, but I ripped the sleeves off a t-shirt, half-assedly spraypainted it gold, and then graffiti’d myself with lipstick and Sharpie.  Also, in lieu of pants I wore a pair of my (small, female) roommate’s underwear.  I had no pockets, and nowhere to put my keys, and this will be important later in the story.

That year, I was friends with people that did a lot of karaoke at this bar that I honestly couldn’t stand.  It was so boring, and the same people where there singing the same songs every single week.  Nobody was nice and nobody was good-looking.  But my roommate and I walked downtown anyway, because we had no car and nothing better to do.  I sang “Miss World” that night, as I often did around that time, but then I decided I looked too cute to sit around at a lame bar listening to Budweiser-drunk ex-cops singing “Sweet Caroline.”

Anyway, flash forward an hour or two, and I’m at the Eagle picked up by three bears in dalmatian costumes.  One of them is cute but unfriendly, one of them is not-so-cute but very friendly; the third one I don’t actually remember.  I am determined to sleep with one if not more of them, but I’m a little drunk at this point and settle for making out with the not-so-cute one while the other two drive us to my house.

But then there was that whole issue of my keys, which of course hadn’t occurred to me at all during my attempts to get inside one or more dalmatian costumes.  The good-looking bear clearly didn’t believe me when I said I didn’t have my keys, though, and they sped off into the night.  That left me with no alternative but to walk back to my friends, the ones I had abandoned in karaoke hell.  They were all at one person’s apartment by this point, which was basically all the way back downtown.  When I got there, she was busy doing it with aTragic Mistake in the bedroom, and the rest of us were just sitting there, probably watching South Of Nowhere or something.  Boring.  I fell asleep under the dining room table and, in the morning, she let me borrow a pair of sweatpants so I could go to a record fair and not have to do my All Saints Day shopping in girls’ underwear.

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