Mixtapes for Hookers


Last Year’s Hookies
March 21, 2013, 3:24 pm
Filed under: gay, hookers | Tags: , , , , , ,

Arpad

[Note: I had originally written this for an actual publication, but my editor got a promotion and his replacement wasn't so interested in hearing about gay escorting. I tried a couple of other outlets but I'm terrible at story pitching and alas, here it is 364 days later on this graveyard of a blog.]

It’s Friday night and there’s one solitary cop stationed outside the Roseland Ballroom on 59th Street in midtown Manhattan. It’s not an especially unusual sight; the Roseland is the largest ballroom in all of Manhattan, after all, and it’s standard to have law enforcement on hand in case the crowds get rowdy or somebody does something dangerous.

What’s odd, though, is the event he’s patrolling: the sixth annual Hookies, an awards ceremony honoring men who make some (if not all) of their livings by having sex with other men. Which is not actually legal in the state of New York, or anywhere else in the US, for that matter, excepting a few rogue counties of Nevada.

The Hookies are thrown each March by Rentboy.com, a listings website for gay male escorts that’s been around since 1997. Currently they have about 4200 ads posted in 79 countries (mostly the US and China), though those numbers don’t exactly reflect their actual number of advertisers. Escorts can list themselves in multiple cities, and many do; one adventurous Parisian named Kevin, for instance, currently has ads placed in Iran, Iraq, Syria, Tunisia and Botswana. (He’s not the one escort that claims to serve North Korea, although if you’re curious there’s one of those, too.)

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The Yoko Test

[In honor of Yoko Ono’s 80th birthday, here’s an excerpt from a previously unpublished story about the dumbest boyfriend I ever had, right after college.]

My gums bleed a lot. Mostly it’s because I don’t take very good care of my teeth, but mentally I blame it on bad genes. It makes me self-conscious, particularly on those rare occasions when I’m brushing my teeth with someone else in the room. It’s a terrible sight, foamy and bloody and red and blue and white, like a mangled American flag that’s also foamy and bloody and made out of toothpaste.

If there is one thing that terrifies me, as a single gay man who likes to put various parts of other single gay men in his mouth, it is the transmission of disease through my bloody gums. Additionally, they are unattractive.

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The Ten Best Movies (Of The Ten I Saw This Year), Part 2

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The better half of the ten movies I actually saw in 2012…

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The Ten Best Movies (Of The Ten I Saw This Year), Part 1

The Master

Okay, so I only saw ten movies this year, so this list isn’t by any means a list of the ten best movies of the year. (In fact, this might be the first year since maybe high school that I actually went to a movie theater ten times.) And I actually liked all ten of them! Meaning either that I’ve got a really good sense of what to see, or else I’m getting soft and uncritical. Anyway, here’s some thoughts. I tried not to spoil anything although I probably did.

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Tomorrow I’m Reading In Providence
December 8, 2012, 12:50 pm
Filed under: people from rhode island, personal | Tags: , , ,

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My general life philosophy is that I don’t pay covers, especially in Providence, unless there are either 1. performers; 2. strippers; or 3. it’s someone’s birthday party and I have no control over where the party train is going. This event has at least two of the three, though, so I’m not asking you to go to anything I wouldn’t consider going to myself.



My Ten Favorite Songs of 2012


10. Ke$ha, “Die Young”
The first, I don’t know, twenty times I heard this song on the radio I expected it to be Flo Rida. Which is to be expected, since the opening of this Dr. Luke/Benny Blanco song is pretty much the exactly the same thing they used for “Good Feeling” a few months earlier. But maybe that shouldn’t be surprising. We first heard Ke$ha, after all, when she and Flo crucified a Dead Or Alive song together.

This is the first song of Ke$ha’s that I’ve actually liked—well, okay, “Blow” grew on me after a few months but not like this—and I’m hesitant to buy into the promotional angling for her new album (which involves a soul-seeking journey to the Galapogos Islands, and The Atlantic calling her new tie-in memoir the new Feminine Mystique.)

The fifth co-writer of “Die Young” is that whiny singer from fun., and if his own dumb band’s songs were remotely this fun maybe I wouldn’t turn the radio off every fucking time “Some Nights” comes on.

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The Best of 2012, Part 6
December 6, 2012, 10:59 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , ,


16. One Direction, “What Makes You Beautiful”

Until a couple of weeks ago this was a shoo-in for my favorite song of the year, the kind of hokey but perfect “hey girl! I like you for being you!” song that was, I think, most recently done well by Jimmy Eat World in 2001. Speaking of the early part of the last decade, this song is the first boyband song I’ve been truly into since the last *Nsync album. (Well, there was “Lovestruck,” but I never even heard that one on the radio.)

Then I reached my breaking point with “Live While We’re Young,” the skeezy, hormonal follow-up song that’s completely gross despite reprising roughly 97% of this song. How is this song so good while that one is so bad? I don’t get it.

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